hotel room ftw
I am puke
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I touched a dick in church today
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
