hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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