so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
