aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
