i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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