You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
