He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize