And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
