no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
