i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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