My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
