Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
