Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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