grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize