either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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