What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
