cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize