On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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