you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
you had me at cake vodka
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
