My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
