so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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