We're like a lot better than the average bears
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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