Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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