My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
