just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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