i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
