I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
