Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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