Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
