Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I have fence marks all over my body
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
