Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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