i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
