he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
