I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
