Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
