I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
