Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
