Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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