So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
