I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
