You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Is it penis luge time yet?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
