it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
