nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
