The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
