dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
