I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
