Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
