Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
