Moan for me like Helen Keller
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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