i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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