Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
