im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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