So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
