i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
