oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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