it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
