I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I deserve this hangover.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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