We need to rekindle our bromance
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
