I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize