I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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