I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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