Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just found puke in my bra..
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
