everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
