The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
send nudes
from the living room?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
