My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Randomize