You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
