Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize