Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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