i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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