another moral hangover. fuck.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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