he told me I talked like a deaf person
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
