lets start a swedish sibling band together
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
