Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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