Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
