I wish i was in the wii world.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
