Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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